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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Since there are a few new owners here I thought I'd repost "R" Kelly's recipe for a happy R.<p>1. It is very easy to spin her up, so make sure she always has proper lubrication (synthetic is best, huge debate, but I switched to Mobil1 0-40)<p>2. If you don't have Nav, she can't talk back, but push the wrong button, and her whole personality will change. This is not always a bad thing if you are experiencing in a "bumpy patch".<p>3. You must buy her new shoes - while Italian shoes are normally good, hers aren't. Many say French shoes fit her personality best. <p>4. Some people find her easier to handle after they "take her down a few notches" (about 1.2 inches - the new kinder/gentler JRL only dropped his girl .6 inches)<p>5. Don't be surprised if she side-steps even small issues. But buying her those new shoes and giving her a new spring in her step may give her the confidence to deal with "bumps in the road" head on. <p>6. If you give her some space (at least 10mm), she won't rub you the wrong way.<p>7. She has an amazing voice, but only listen to her Logic if she is reading a compact disc.<p>8. She is best at 3-ways while listening to the radio.<p>9. Do not drive her really hard and then pull out your fob immediately, she may burn up. She needs time to relax and calm down, she is a heavy breather after all. <p>10. Her headlights sag a little, a few twists and they will perk right up though.<p>11. While she has a stiff upper lip, her lower lip bends and is easily damaged, especially if she overlooked something. (This isn't a flaw, just part of her character). <p>12. She loves massages with conditioner. However, her skin is not as sensitive as her Atacaman cousin, so you don't have to buy special lotions. <p>13. She knows 3 positions very well, but you should save the third for when you want her to "back that thang up". <p>14. She's Scandinavian, so don't expert her to enjoy the desert. If you live in one, don't expert her to ever be happy except maybe in the winter. <p>15. I know it is a difficult decision, but if you let another man get his hands on her, she will come back to you a better performer. Scott, George and Don can all teach her to breathe harder. They also know some great pscyhotherapy techniques that will boost her general mood and daily performance. NOTE: psychotherapy not covered by most insurance.<p> <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://********************/smile/emthup.gif" BORDER="0"> <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://********************/smile/emthup.gif" BORDER="0"> <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://********************/smile/emthup.gif" BORDER="0">
 

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haha well done <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/smile.gif" BORDER="0">
 

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Re: "R" Kelly's rules for a happy R (pie_ya)

Here's my two cents as well:<p>16. If her belly (exhaust bracket) is hanging low, remove it and replace it with a girdle (exhaust cable from takspeed).<p>17. If you don't want her making a high-pitched noise that is quite dangerous to her driveshaft when she hot and wet, then replace her resonator with SS (something sexy).<p>18. Covering up her front end with a clear bra will protect her in the long run and cause a lot of pleasant stares as she ages.<p>Feel free to add your own.
 

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19.) careful not to beat on her too hard when you are doing some spirited adventures...you don't want to damage her internals <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/biggrin.gif" BORDER="0">
 

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Re: (phuz)

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD><i>Quote, originally posted by <b>phuz</b> »</i></TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">19.) careful not to beat on her too hard when you are doing some spirited adventures...you don't want to damage her internals <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/biggrin.gif" BORDER="0"></TD></TR></TABLE><p>And she tends to smell for a little bit afterwards. <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/eek.gif" BORDER="0">
 

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Re: "R" Kelly's rules for a happy R (pie_ya)

Wow, I've been posted by proxy... <p>I know people have been complaining about state of the board, but if we are having to recycle my old stuff, situation must be critical. <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/wink.gif" BORDER="0"> <p>Good news fellow Volvoites, after 12 hours of air travel, two connecting flights and a 2 hour drive, we just got to our hotel in Panama City. I pick up Inga on Saturday... now to find out if my friends R can handle a BSR, 3" DP and US spec 93 octane (they do have 93 in Florida right?).
 

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Re: "R" Kelly's rules for a happy R ("R" Kelly)

I've observed that the "state of this board" is directly correlated with your absence from this board. Hmmm..... <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/wink.gif" BORDER="0"> <p>Welcome back!!!!!!!!!
 

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Re: "R" Kelly's rules for a happy R (Short Circuit)

Thanks for all those recommendations. <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://********************/smile/emthup.gif" BORDER="0"> <p>It reminds me, some long time ago in another galaxy, my Lancia HF Turbo <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/frown.gif" BORDER="0">
 

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Re: "R" Kelly's rules for a happy R ("R" Kelly)

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD><i>Quote, originally posted by <b>"R" Kelly</b> »</i></TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">... now to find out if my friends R can handle a BSR, 3" DP and US spec 93 octane (they do have 93 in Florida right?). </TD></TR></TABLE><p>How exactly do you determine this without witnessing the actual destruction of the engine from detonation? or does BSR have a more DP friendly tune now? <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/wink.gif" BORDER="0">
 

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Re: "R" Kelly's rules for a happy R ("R" Kelly)

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD><i>Quote, originally posted by <b>"R" Kelly</b> »</i></TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">(they do have 93 in Florida right?). </TD></TR></TABLE><p>Welcome to Florida. As Jimmy Buffett says, "home of the pale invaders and tan crusaders." But you my friend are welcome along with your pale mistress, Inga. I hope you brought sun tan lotion for her. <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/tongue.gif" BORDER="0"> <p>Yes we do have 93 in Florida, or in your scenario, LA (Lower Alabama).
 

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20) If you really want to have a good time with her in the tight areas (autocross) it is best to go un-plugged! (unplug a 4C sensor)
 

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Re: "R" Kelly's rules for a happy R (pie_ya)

i noticed something very interesting in your post. in all my privious vehicles i have used mobil 0-40 but in the R i was worried about that. can you run 0-40 in the car with no issues? and does this oil work better in the R than 10-30 in the summer? i had an audi priviously and knowledgeable about cars but with oil i always hesitate to try diff things i know what the 0-40 weight is and how it works but i wanted a personal opinion/review on it before i dropped it into my baby. i only payed 28K for a R with every option and only 18,000 miles on her but i am still very protective of my cars <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/biggrin.gif" BORDER="0">
 

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Re: (Copeland)

22. Don't spin her on a tight dance floor, she is prone to making wide turns and may hit the walls.<p>23. She has minor asthma which is heard through her cute little wheeze.<p> <IMG NAME="icon" SRC="http://www.vwvortex.com/vwbb/biggrin.gif" BORDER="0">
 
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