We have achieved... WANG.
So yeah, I went ahead and got one of the fiberglass ones from ScottishBrick, and it works. I think overall I would have preferred a factory one, for the quality, fit, and the brake light.
I broke down and paid a body shop to paint it, and it came out 1000x better than I ever could have done. Cost me $200, but they even block sanded it down so there are zero imperfections in the top. Factory quality paint, color matched perfect, with clearcoat.
The holes were each about 1/8" off the factory drill marks, so that sucked, I just ovaled everything out with my dremel. And one side has about a 1/8" twist in it so it doesn't fully seat down on the double sided tape. But it's not anything I'll ever notice, now that it's on there. If I find the tailgate filling with water or something, I might have to caulk it. That or just put drain holes in the tailgate, it is plastic after all.
It also blocks about half of the third brake light:
It still does its job, and I hope you don't feel bashed on or anything SB, I just want to be clear about my experience.
After installing that, I was still rolling with motivation so I did my traditional de-badging job. I like my cars cleeeean.
And in our next installment: THE TRITONING!
I was out of energy for the night, but if there's any cool weather in the next few days I need to get moving on the brakes, and then I can mount these. The only reason I've been hesitating is that I hit a super bad pothole a couple years ago and I want to mount the one that took the hit and see if there's any noticeable bend or wobble in it, before I go spending $$$ on more tires (these are worn out).